i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
