Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
