youre lurking in front of me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
