But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
