i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
