she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
