I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
