we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
