gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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