As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
