Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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