someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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