I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
