Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
