She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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