she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
