I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
