If i come over, it means nothing
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You made out with two different species that night
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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