I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
