that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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