I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
