mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
