he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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