im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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