I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
