I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
