I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
