i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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