Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
