dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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