please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
