Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
