Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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