I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
