So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
