An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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