Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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