the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
