you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
