Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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