i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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