She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
