If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
