A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
