I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Randomize
