Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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