I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
