I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I believe in your delicious
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
