Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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