Dude my mom stole all your condoms
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
