I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
