Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
