just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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