Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
