Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
