i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
